i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
