I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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