you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
