apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
