when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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