why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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