speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
