Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
