dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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