She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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