Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
wow bdsm is so cute
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
