he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
