so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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