i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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