dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
