Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
