And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
