he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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