I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
