You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
