I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
