I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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