Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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