she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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