I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
