Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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