ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
