I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
