I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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