I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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