Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
