the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
