those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
