Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
