please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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