Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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