Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
