8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
