i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
