I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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