Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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