I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
