I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
