I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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