Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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