Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
