Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
