Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
