that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
