i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
