Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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