yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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