dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
