How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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