Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
