That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
