He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
