I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
