Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
