apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
