The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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