Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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