I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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