She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
