Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
