no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
