At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
