Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
