so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
