At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
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She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
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Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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