I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Randomize
