I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
