i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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