The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
